Be Selective

by namskies

Don’t settle.

With the number of people that walk in and out of your life without rhyme or reason, it is difficult to build long lasting relationships. Finding people you naturally gel with is tough, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

Recently, I stumbled upon the realization that I have been in and out of hopeless relationships for the past ten years with dudes that seemed okay, but weren’t exactly what I needed. And let me tell you, it is exhausting. Meeting people, getting to know them, getting attached to them, and letting go of them is the most draining experience out there – especially when done consequtively. I was addicted to guys that were unhealthy – both noncommittal and emotionally unavailable – none of whom had any regard for my feelings. What’s worse is that I identified myself by these relationships. I was able to recognize when things just didn’t seem right, but I convinced myself that I was okay with these situations and with these type of people. 

I was not at all selective with the people I allowed into my life, and that’s a dangerous thing because:  what feels good momentarily, can lead to destructive behaviour down the road.  

I’ve developed some intense defense mechanisms a long the way. I have a terrible habit of rejecting people before they can reject me, which has only facilitated unhealthy relationships into my adult years. As if that wasn’t frustrating enough, I can’t help but think that if I was a little more selective with those that I invested my time in, I wouldn’t spend all this time and energy on reversing bad habits.